Hello. I can see you’re nervous. Just come right in and sit right down. Come right in and sit right down. That’s it. Yeah, see, that’s better.
I’ve got something for you. It’s not much. It’s not much. I’ve got something for you. Here. Hold out your hand. Hold out your hand. Here. Here. Here. It won’t bite. You’re safe here with me. You’re safe with me here. You’re safe.
Here. Here. Here.
The upstairs rooms here get very hot, and contrary to the popular mythos, jawas are not especially fond of the heat. If you’d ever seen a jawa without his traditional hood, you’d know this. Jawas possess no pigmentation whatsoever; beneath our thick hood (ladies) we have (ladies) absolutely transparent skin.
To cope with the heat, Jawa Warhol succumbs to his intense craving for neo-classicism. Beneath his velvet blacklight poster of Yanni, he dusts off his long-neglected lollipopsichord. a traditional tattooine instrument that measures the variances of temperature in the blood and maps them to the chromatic scale. As another stifling summer night closes over him, the mournful sweeps in the singing of his blood drift through the pitch alleys of Lorain, Ohio. Perhaps, if you visit the city on the lake, you’ll hear him; outside his window, the strays in the neighborhood cluster, half-lidded and dripping slowly into somnulence as he plays…
William Hollingshead Loomis was the poet laureate of Collinsport, Maine in the late 1960s. He had a fondness for foreign cigarettes, which was how Jawa Warhol met him. Jawas are the e-bay of the universe; they scrounge through the dimmest, dankest galaxies, often gleaning incalcuable treasures that the “Tallies” (for this is how jawas refer to other, more vertically-adept humanoids) often give them good coin for.
The verse of William Hollingshead Loomis is often lauded by scholars for being the earliest example of the Obfuscatorian School, due to its obtuse density and adept meaninglessness. This is often attributed to Loomis’ fondness for Brazilian Dex, another foreign commodity sometimes proferred by jawas. Dextroamphetamines are widely known for tangling cognitive processes; a quick look at Loomis’ work bears this out. His most famous line, “gruff sundays flir wif biscuit ribbonage,” is a favorite of Jawa Warhol’s, and is accordingly tattooed on his withered black scrotum
Many in-depth psychoanalytic critiques of the verse of William Hollingshead Loomis remark on the almost hysteric dread of canes in his texts.
